


Alone Now

by orphan_account



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Sibling Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, Protective Ben Hargreeves, This is their story, Young Ben, Young Klaus Hargreeves, and luther but i dont think anyone cares, ben dies while on a mission and klaus finds out, buh buh, five is only mentioned i am sorry, i didnt know how to put this in the summary but, law and order noise, lots of sibling love (platonic) and angst, now that season 2 is out this is diverging from canon sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22202737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Klaus doesn’t say anything or move even an inch—Ben just knows. The second Reginald shouts Klaus’ number up the stairs, Ben turns to Klaus and says, with that stupid, preemptively stubborn look Klaus both recognizes and despises, “It’s fine. I’ll go.”//Ben takes Klaus' place on a mission. Klaus copes. Or: my take on Ben’s death and Klaus’ connection to it.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 26
Kudos: 141





	Alone Now

Klaus doesn’t say anything or move even an inch—Ben just knows. The second Reginald shouts Klaus’ number up the stairs, Ben turns to Klaus and says, with that stupid, preemptively stubborn look Klaus both recognizes and despises, “It’s fine. I’ll go.”

Klaus sits on his desk, his legs criss-crossed and arms wrapped around his chest. Only moments ago, he was telling Ben, with great bravado, the story of where he’d been all morning. How he snuck out early to avoid an hour of training alongside Luther and their father and okay maybe also to grab a drink or two and a pizza lady ran into him on the street and he ended up getting a free slice out of it, can you imagine? Now, he leans forward, looking serious, and holds out his hand. “No, no no, it’s okay. I’ll be fiiiine.”

Ben narrows his eyes.

“Seriously, I’m okay. Fit as a fiddle. Is that the expression?”

“You haven’t slept in days.”

“Don’t need it.”

“You’re drunk.”

“And?”

“Stand up,” Ben says, his face breaking away from concern and into a smug sort of certainty.

“What? Ben, are you serio-“

“Stand.”

Klaus sighs and attempts to propel himself off the table, stumbles for a moment or two and then props himself up against the wall. “See,” he slurs. “Just fine.”

“Number Four!” their father shouts again.

Ben rubs his face. Klaus hates how old his brother’s begun to look, how mature. He hates that this isn’t even the first time this month Ben’s had to cover for him. Hates that he always lets Ben do this, lets him sacrifice himself, lets him put Klaus’ needs first always. He hates that Ben hovers over him in that stupid older brother “I have to take care of you because nobody else is” sort of way. He hates that he needs Ben. He’s always needed Ben. “We’re the same age, damn it,” Klaus says aloud.

Ben glances up at Klaus, but brushes off the remark with a shake of his head. “I can’t let you go like this. You’ll get yourself hurt.” Ben shuffles over to the closet. He slips on his fight suit, with the practiced ease of someone who has done so too many times to count.

“No, I- I wanna go.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you aren’t tired of fighting Dad’s battles.”

Klaus looks down at the floor, coughing a bit.

“Just- just get some sleep, okay? I’ll be back in a hour. Don’t do anything stupid.” Ben smiles a tight smile.

“Like I’d ever....”

Ben laughs.

“How will you explain-“

“I’ll tell him it’s my fault. I’ll tell him I sent you to the store or something.”

Klaus crawls into bed and smiles drunkenly up at Ben. “I loveeeee you.”

“Yeah, yeah. You better be sound asleep when I get back,” Ben says, but there’s a certain fondness in his voice. In Ben language, Klaus knows, this means ‘I love you, too’.

And then Ben leaves. Klaus hears him stumble down the stairs and his sloppy, mumbled explanation for Klaus’ absence. He hears Luther’s voice, too, and the last thing he thinks before he drifts off is that Luther must be going too, and that’s gonna be one hell of a car ride, Daddy’s Boy and Ben, the horror, the boy their father can barely bring himself to look at. He smiles a little at the thought of Ben rolling his eyes in the backseat.

When he wakes, his first instinct is to look around for Ben. But Ben isn’t there. Even on an average day, this would be odd. Ben is always in Klaus’ room, reading on the floor or organizing Klaus’ drawers or taking a nap or venting about Reginald or studying secret textbooks he’d stolen from the library, reading aloud the information he found most interesting so Klaus could know it too. It was always about sharing, with Ben.

Klaus checks the time. It’s been several hours since he fell asleep. He has a pounding headache. “Ben,” he says, but the air doesn’t respond. He groans. He steps out of bed, massaging his neck, and stumbles out into the hallway. He checks both Ben and Luther’s rooms––neither of them appear to be back. He notices all of his siblings’ doors are open and none of them are there. He sighs. Probably off doing something without him. Definitely for the best. He stumbles downstairs and almost runs directly into Grace, who is busy dusting the bannister.

“Oh!” she says. “Hello, Klaus.”

“Hey, Mom,” he says. “You seen Ben?”

She smiles and shakes her head. “No, I don’t believe I have.”

“Where’s everyone?”

She wears the same vacant expression. “I’m not sure. Is something the matter?”

“No, Mom, it’s okay. Thanks anyways.” He gives her a strained smile and pats her arm before continuing on to the kitchen. He’s starving. He digs through a cabinet for some bread and begins to prepare himself a PB&J, the only thing he’s really capable of making without Grace there to guide him. He hasn’t had to make food for himself in what feels like forever—it takes him a moment to remember where the bread is stored. The past few months, years, even, it’s seemed like everyone wants to be everywhere but their rooms. Always downstairs, always searching for something to do. Anytime Klaus made the trek down to the kitchen, most often with Ben in tow, Allison would appear before he could even begin and wordlessly she’d take over. Ben would always make a face, and Luther or Diego or Vanya, occasionally, would appear, drawn by the presence of multiple bodies in the same room. They were lonely, the Hargreeves. It didn’t take a sober person with social skills to recognize that.

When he turns around to grab jelly from the cabinets, Ben stands at the other end of the kitchen. His arms hang limply at his sides. He seems to be wearing something different than what he wore when he left, a black hoodie pulled low over his face. Klaus snorts. “You’re back! You look very supervillian-y,” he says, pointing his spreading knife like a finger in Ben’s direction.

Ben moves a little closer.

“Where’s Luther?”

Ben shrugs. His face only half-visible, Klaus cannot make out his expression.

“Okay. Not very talky today, are we? How’d it go?” Klaus turns back around and grabs the rest of his supplies from the cabinet.

“All right,” Ben says quietly, with some difficulty, as if he’d just woken up from a nap.

“How’s the tum?”

Ben usually protests when Klaus comes up with nicknames for his power, but today he says nothing. Klaus raises his eyebrows at his sandwich. “Well, I don’t know about you, but mine is STARVING.”

“You slept okay?” Ben asks.

“Yep. Out like a light. Thanks for taking the fall for me, you know, I don’t know if I’d have been able to handle—“

“Klaus.” Vanya’s voice. He stops talking, puts the final touch on his sandwich, and turns around to see Vanya standing in the doorway, and Ben no longer present at the table. That little shit. How long had he been talking to an empty room? “Who are you talking to?” Vanya asks softly. Now that he’s looked at her for a moment or two, he sees that her face is red, her eyes wet with tears.

“I, uh, Ben _was_ here, I guess he left while I was talking. Probably thinks he’s funny.”

Vanya says nothing. She furrows her brow, tightens her crossed arms.

“Everything okay?” Klaus asks.

“No. I just, uh...” Vanya walks across the room towards Klaus and hesitates for a moment in front of him. He hasn’t seen her cry this hard since Five disappeared. Hasn’t seen much of her at all since Five disappeared, and maybe that’s his fault. It’s probably his fault. They used to hang out often enough when they were much younger, Klaus, Ben, and Vanya, the three weirdest, most unfortunate of the family, but Vanya grew closer to Five and Klaus grew closer to Ben and maybe Klaus should’ve made more of an effort. He’s missed her. She wipes her face on her sleeve, then holds her arms up a little. “Can I....” she starts, and somehow he knows what she means because he lets her wrap her arms around him. He pats her back awkwardly, but gently.

“Is this about Five?” he asks, and immediately regrets it when she only starts shaking harder with tears.

“Oh, God, uh- uh hang on, I’m sorry- did- did Dad do something?”

She pulls back and presses the heels of her palms into her eyes. She shakes her head, but it’s noncommittal, as if she doesn’t believe it herself.

Klaus tries to alleviate the tension. “Hey, hey, I’m sure it’s okay. Whatever it is. I, uh...you want a sandwich? Long as you promise not to- not to leave me talking to myself.”

Vanya doesn’t nod or laugh along, she just says, “What’d he say? When you saw him?”

“Who? Oh, Ben. Ben Ben Ben. He- I don’t know, he’s been a bit of a grumpster lately. Didn’t say much.”

Vanya wipes her face again with her sleeve. She doesn’t look at him. Klaus’ stomach growls. He wants to eat and be done with this. Where the hell had Ben gone?

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you.”

“What?”

“We didn’t know you were home and Dad called us downstairs and it was all so- so crazy-“

“What are you talking about?”

Vanya takes another shaky breath. “He‘s dead.”

“Who?”

“Ben.”

“Our Ben?”

Vanya nods.

“No, no, I just- I just saw him. He was right here. I’m not- I’m not crazy. He was right here. He was talking to me.”

“You aren’t crazy.”

“He isn’t-“

“Klaus.”

“They don’t talk to me when they’re dead, Vanya. They scream. He wasn’t screaming. I’m not crazy.” He’d seen Ben. He knew he had.

“You aren’t.”

Klaus shakes his head, as if doing so will make this all go away. He wasn’t screaming. He was talking. And smiling. And he wasn’t even bloody, didn’t look injured. He wasn’t dead. He isn’t dead. Klaus needs Ben. And when Klaus needs Ben, Ben comes. That’s how it’s always been. “Ben!” he shouts to the open doorway. Then, to Vanya. “You didn’t see him? He was right here. You had to have seen him when he was walking out, or-“

Vanya hugs him again, this time without warning. She doesn’t weigh much, but her hug feels heavy, his body feels heavy. He doesn’t understand. He can’t think. His thoughts are still muddied from earlier, the drinks, his morning of avoidance- it’s his fault Ben went out in the first place. “Oh my God,” Klaus says. His voice cracks. It doesn’t make sense. Ben can’t be dead. Ben isn’t the kind of person who dies. He wants to run. He wants to kill his father. He wants Vanya to get off of him. He wants to find Ben. He wants a drink. He slams his hand against the countertop and it scares Vanya into releasing him. “Damn it,” he mutters. “Dad’s outside?” His voice seems to take Vanya aback. She steps away. She looks from him to the doorway, her mouth partly open.

“Yes, but-“

“Luther, too?”

“It wasn’t-“ Klaus tries to push past her but she grabs him, and maybe he’s more okay with being stopped than he realized. Maybe he’s fully aware he’s falling back on anger, afraid of the alternative. “Klaus, stop. Hey. Whatever you’re thinking of doing isn’t going to fix this.”

“Don’t tell me you aren’t mad.”

“I- yeah. Yeah.” Her voice is tear-soaked. She holds her grip on his arms. “Among other things.”

“Dad’s taken everything from us. Everything. And you expect me to-“

“What would Ben say?”

“What a shitty question to ask.”

Vanya looks down. “If he were here, he’d…”

“But he’s not here, Vanya. You’re in my way.” He regrets it the moment he says it, watches her expression shift and become unreadable. She releases him.

“They’re out back. Alison and Diego too.”

Klaus walks toward the door, fists clenched to keep from shaking. He stops only briefly when he hears Vanya say, “Hey Klaus? You aren’t the only one who lost somebody.”

Klaus leaves, but decides as he does so not to go outside. He goes upstairs. He digs into his stash, the stash so secret even Ben hadn’t known about it, until he can hardly stand on his own. He doesn’t leave his room, not even when Diego knocks at the door saying everyone’s waiting downstairs, not even when Diego pauses and says, “Please, man. Not you too.”

He falls asleep, and when he wakes up his lock has been jimmied open, and a dinner plate has been placed precariously on his bedside table. His first suspect is Grace, but the food seems to have been prepared haphazardly, not in the orderly, sensible way Grace usually prepares meals. Luther and Diego don’t know how to cook meals. Which leaves Alison and Vanya, and he doesn’t think Alison would ever do something like this. He doesn’t think Alison thinks about Klaus often enough to do something like this. And, God, it certainly wasn’t Ben. He scarfs a breadstick down and lies back. His stomach aches.

He considers getting up and thanking Vanya, but he isn’t sure he’d make it to her room. Instead, he grabs a shoe from the floor and throws it at the wall they share. He then throws the other shoe, and his fork. Finally, she appears in the doorway.

“How’s everyone?” he asks, after a moment.

“Not great.”

“Dad let you do this?” he nods towards his dinner.

“No,” she says. “I didn’t tell him.”

“Wise.”

“Sorry if the breadsticks are a little soggy. I spilled some soup.”

“That’s okay.” He can tell she’s been crying.

“Memorial service tomorrow.”

Klaus clenches his fists underneath the blanket and looks down. His eyes sting.

“You don’t have to come. I can tell Dad you- you got sick, or something.”

“I’ll go.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Thank you for dinner.”

“Of course. It’s what he would’ve...you know...,” Vanya says. She grabs the door, clearly having picked up on the signal that it was time for her to go. Before she leaves, though, she stops and asks, carefully, “Have you seen him again?”

Klaus looks away.

“Right. Yeah, uh, I just- if you do...”

He nods slightly.

“Okay. Okay, thank you.” She nods at him from the dark of the hallway, smiles, closes the door.

Klaus hears Ben’s voice in the back of his mind as he digs into his stash again. _This isn’t coping, Klaus. This is avoidance._

“Shut up, Ben,” Klaus says to no one. He stumbles around his room, ends up curled up and crying on the floor by Ben’s Christmas present from last year, a little toy octopus. He sleeps there, until Diego knocks on his door for the service and he doesn’t bother changing out of his sweat-stained days-old pajamas, just shows up and avoids looking anyone but the inaccurate statue of Ben in the eye. He hears his voice again, Ben’s voice, “The nose is all wrong.” And swats at his ear as if at a fly.

“I’m just saying. Oh, my God, and the eyes. This is embarrassing.”

Klaus sees him, then, standing at his side. Looking exactly as he had in the kitchen. “Jesus,” Klaus breathes.

“Not Jesus. Ben.”

“Oh my God.”

“Not God either.” Ben smiles gently, but carefully, the way he always did- does- when he knows Klaus is already worked up. Klaus wants to hug him, wants to say more than just I’m sorry for blocking you out or oh my god but all he can think of to say is, “I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

From across the courtyard, Vanya stares at him. Diego, on his right, looks strangely at him too. Klaus nods at Vanya, shrugs at Diego, and turns back to Ben’s statue. “Even as a kid, you weren’t this ugly.”

“It’s atrocious.”

“They really should’ve included the tentacles.”

“Shut up.”

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE: after season 2’s funeral scene this is officially an inaccurate fic but i’m gonna leave it up! just know that it was written before season 2 was released :)
> 
> if anyone wants i can write this from ben’s pov as well!! just let me know if that interests you!


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